I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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