Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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