I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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