You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
