Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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