umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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