I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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