dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
