Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize