Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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