YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
