Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
