One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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