i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
