I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
