Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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