i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
