Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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