i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize