my room smells like sperm. sweet.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
