Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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