Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
