I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
