oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
