this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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