I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
