Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
