I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
