i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
