What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't deserve a penis
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
