Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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