no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
