wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
