somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
