I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
