you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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