i would punch a child for taco bell
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
