Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
