We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
