Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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