Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
