Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
