She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
