hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize