Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
