I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
