My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
