My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
