Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
