A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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