That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
