i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
