You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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