Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
