I wish I only lived at night.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
