Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
