So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you told grandpa to call you daddy
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
