piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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