matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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