My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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