the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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