I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
