My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
