Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
